Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

I found out that I got accepted to the University here yesterday (woohoo!)....so my kiddos and I celebrated by going to see the GreenShow, which is a pre-show to the plays that run all summer as part of the Utah Shakespearean Festival. Its a fun show that we love attending. Anyway....after the show the boys always want to play in the fountain so away we went. I was trying to get a good picture of them (just them) and some random dude was all "You should be in that picture too!" I politely tried to say no thanks and I was ok...but he seriously was dead set that I would be in the dang picture. So I gave in. Now...I'm happy I did because It showed me that I'm lookin like a fatty bo batty still and need to get my butt moving. Now I just need to remember that when I'm feelin too lazy to run at night.......

I've been on a hiatus....

....and I apologize. Its been a rough time. My will and power to get this weight loss stuff going was shot. I had semi-given up for a minute. But now I'm back. Starting fresh....and taking it slow. Going day by day and hoping I can get things done. This weekend I didn't participate in the weigh in due to having a sleepover situation going on at my house and I couldn't get away. But I think it would've been bad anyway. This week.. I take things day by day. And hopefully I will get back into my groove. As a make up...here is a current picture of me. Even though I'm frustrated with my progress, I can see a difference. I still have the love handles but my upper torso is slimming out I think. Its good to see this for me. It shows I'm making progress. Here is to a good day today. And tomorrow....

Losing Motivation

I've come to a point where I'm losing my motivation. I truly am. I miss eating like crap. I miss not having to exercise. I want to be able to do all the things that encourage weight gain....without gaining weight. I'm frustrated. I don't know what to do. Take that back I do know what I need to do, I just don't want to do it. I've barely exercised this week and I've used 40 of my 49 extra points for the week. Thats not good...its only Tuesday. I'm in need of a serious intervention. I've got to come to terms with the fact that this is a lifestyle change, not just a thing I'm going to do for awhile then go back to eating like crap and not exercising. I'm starting to lose hope of ever looking good again though. Blast. This process sucks.

Weigh In

I only lost .2 lbs this week. But its better than gaining. And I had a struggle Friday with my eating. So really...I'm happy for that. The weekend....also bad. So very bad. But this week...is a new week. I'm prepared with LOADS of fruit and veggies. And I have my meals planned out to a T. So this should be a pretty good week. I'm hoping anyway. Crossing fingers.

...

So I had a very weird day yesterday. I was sooo stressed out with some things going on but I stayed within my 40 pts. However, I only ate 6 things. Hehe. Thats never good. Usually my entire tracker is full. But oh well.
I also REALLY didn't want to work out last night but I did. And the whole time I was trying to do that visualization thing where you visualize yourself where you want to be and it made the time go by much faster, and made me work harder. I'm going to use that practice in the future. I've decided I need to start adding in weights to my routines though. I don't want to have wierd tongue flaps and I think some weight training will help with that.
Anyway....here is crossing fingers for a better day today!

Frustation

I'm mad today. Very mad. But I'm trying not to let it affect my weight loss and I've done good so far at not emotionally eating. I had oatmeal for breakfast, a ham sandwich on 8 grain bread and 16 pringles (yes I counted a serving side out) with water to drink. So far so good. I also got off my butt and exercised last night. 1.3 miles with a peak incline of 7 (out of 10....really high) so I think I burned a fair amount of calories. And I ate well. So my goal today is to stay within my points and and exercise tonight. And possibly clean my house. But that will come later.

So....

I slacked last night again. I had a stupid divorced parenting class I needed to take to get my divorce finalized (yet my ex didn't feel the need to take it. bah) so that took me from directly after work (5:30) until 9:00. I was STARVING. So I stop at Taco Bell and get non-healthy junk. And I was extremely  worn out, so I went to bed as soon as I put the boys to bed.
But...there are no excuses. Tonight...I exercise. And I exercise hard. I need to make up for eating like crap for dinner last night and not exercising for the last 3 days straight.
Blast.
Gotta remember I'm trying to lose lots of weight.

Weigh In!

This weigh in was AWESOME! I was down 3.6 lbs. I attribute it to running every night. I was sooo excited. Its a pretty good start to my "lets see how much weight I can lose (the healthy way) in one month" thing I've got going on. And I hit some pretty big landmarks. I got my first 20 lbs gone AND I dropped daily allotted points from 43 to 40 which isn't a ton but means I'm losing weight. AND I only have 5.8 lbs to go before I reach my first mini goal of 10% lost! I've also got my jogging set up to give me optimum results (hills and speed wise) and get my butt ready to run a 5k by the end of the month. It makes me happy.

This weekend, however, I didn't get much done. I was too sore. This is why.

Oh yeah....buddy my back and legs look the same way. It hurts to move. It hurts to walk...it hurts to sleep. It hurts to do anything. But thank you Mary Kay facial moisturizer with spf 15 that I had applied 5 hours previous to going to the lake because my face didn't get scorched. Just my body (which had like spf a million applied right before going).

But tonight...I commence my walk/jog methods of exercise and get my butt moving for a good weigh in this week.

The Week Ends...Weigh in

Its that wonderful day....the day they call Friday. Which means tomorrow is Saturday. Which means I get to see if I break my 20 lb mark or not. I sure hope so! I need it! I was looking back and the last 16 weeks and had I lost an average of 2 lbs a week...I'd be down 32 lbs by now. Makes me sick. I need to do better. I will do better. I HAVE to do better. And except for a treat here and there this week I think I did good. I've only gone 8 pts into my spares....and thats sayin something for me. I'm usually at least 20 into them by now. And I've exercised every night but Sunday and Wednesday, although Wednesday I moved furniture in my room so I think it burned at least 1 calorie. But alas....we shall see. Fingers crossed! I will check in with results on Monday.
Have a good weekend all!

YoCrunch Greek Non-Fat Yogurt

I am not a fan. And for being "non-fat" there was 1 gram fat in it. The proof is in the pudding. Or on the nutritional facts........

Nutrition Facts

Serving Size	1 cup
Amount Per Serving
Calories	180
Calories from Fat	10
% Daily Value*
Total Fat	1.0 g	2 %
Cholesterol	20 mg	7 %
Sodium	110 mg	5 %
Total Carbohydrate	31 g	10 %
Dietary Fiber	2 g	8 %
Sugars	20 g
Protein	11.0 g	22 %
* Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.

Yesterday...

....I ate a sweet roll. And I don't feel bad about it. Because it was in celebration of an EXTREMELY monumentous event in my life of which I won't go into detail. But don't worry....I had 16 points after dinner and all of those 16 points went to that sweet roll. As did the 1.5 miles I ran at a 2.5 incline so that I could burn more calories. I'll call it an even kill.

And I just got to say....I LOVE The Voice. When I get all skinny and such...I so wanna try out. I would right now, but I'd probably cry seeing myself on TV.

Update on 5/5/30 Challenge

Goal 1: Lose at least 5 lbs. I think I'm going to be on track. I'm having a good week so far.

Goal 2: Run a 5k. I ran 1.6 last night. I truly think that if I just bump up my mileage every week by just a half mile, I can accomplish this. So far so good.

Goal 3: No sweets. I've been good. Saturday, I had 2 bites of a donut then I remembered. And I stopped eating it! Sunday I had 0 sweet  things. Yesterday, I had one bite of my sons donut before I remembered. And I stopped eating it again! I call those a win since previously I would've just aten them anyway. Today....so far no sweets.

You know what....I just might make this happen. I'm kinda excited. :)

1.6 down

This is me...after running 1.6 miles. Woot woot. I always seem to think that its not a ton...but when I look back to February when I started my journey, I could barely walk 1 mile in 30 minutes. It was usually just over 30 minutes. Now...I'm JOGGING 1.6 miles. I'd say thats an improvement. So if nothing else...I know that my stamina and fitness level has improved. And the plus side....I jogged it while being inspired by watching Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Addition. Awesome show.

side note....man I REALLY hope I don't get the skin tongue thing.

Weigh in

I failed. I gained 1.2 lbs this weigh in. I knew I would...but I guess I was still hoping to just break even if nothing else. But really...I ate crappy all week and didn't exercise. What was I expecting?! But I have a new motivation. I realized I've been at this for 4 months now and have only lost less than 20 lbs. One of my friends has been going at it since January, and has lost 45 lbs. The biggest loser folks were at it 5 months and lost HUNDREDS of pounds. Granted they don't count as much because thats their whole life...they live and breath weight loss. But still!
But I have been doing good with my June challenge so far. I even resisted ice cream last night and went with fruit instead. So instead of just having the goal to lose 5 lbs...I'm making it a goal to see how much I can lose this month. To see the maximum amount I can lose (in a healthy way of course...no crash diets. Just WW).
Lets get on it. I'm ready.

.......

I'm a slight bit nervous for tomorrow. I'm pretty sure the weigh in is going to be bad. I was under my points last night...but we had a neighborhood BBQ and I ate a cookie. Blasted cookie! I think this no sweets thing is going to be tougher than I thought. It is the only sweet thing I had all day however, so thats a bit of an improvement. I think I'm going to be taking the no sweets thing day by day. So far today, candy dish on desk is still full and I haven't had anything sweet. So maybe I will adjust Goal 3 to say "conquer sugar cravings". I think thats good. And manageable.
I also didn't run last night. I'm slacking on all fronts. Stupid slacking. Today I'm eating really well...and tonight I plan on making up for lack of exercise. Hopefully thats enough to at least have me breaking even. I hope.
Until Monday.....I hope ya'll have a fantastic weekend!

Burns and 5k

Yesterday went well. Except that at work one of our disabled tenants had a birthday and insisted on sharing her cake. And insisted eating it with us. How do you say no to a disabled lady? I took the smallest piece I could possibly take. Then while cooking dinner, my 5 yr old burned his arm on the griddle. Like bad burn. I felt awful and iced it up, dosed him up on ibprofen and he said he would feel better if he got a treat (of course) so we got ice cream. Blasted ice cream. I was still within my points for the day, but that broke my no sweets goal. So I'm starting fresh today. Its a new day and I don't forsee any treat escapades in the future. I also ran 1.5 miles yesterday. It felt awesome. Except that I keep having pain in the balls of my feet. Wierd.

  

 This is me and my ww buddy after the 5k. I am having serious issues posting it...because it makes me realize how chubbo I am. But thats the point of all this...right?

Day 1 of 5/5/30 Challenge

Like my catchy condensed version of the challenge? I thought it was pretty awesome. I'm excited for my first day, and I've actually done really good. So to start with a bang, I obviously need to set some goals. Here goes it.

Goal 1:  Lose a minimum of 5 lbs in the next 30 days. I'm shooting for 8.2 lbs to accomplish my 10% goal with Weight Watchers. Of course I'd be happy with more than that, but I'll go with 8.2 lbs for now.

Goal 2: Run 5k before June 30. Whether this be an official race or me just able to run it...I don't care either way. As long as I can run it by the time June 30 comes around I'll be happy. Although there are a whole lot of 5ks that go on here during the summer, so if I find one thats near the end of June or the beginning of July, I'll do it.

Goal 3: NO MORE SWEETS! For one month, I am taking the pledge to obstain from eating sweet treats. This includes candy, cookies, candy bars, anything junk food thats sweet. And also includes my graham cracker and pb treat, not because its necessarily unhealthy, but because I eat so much it turns unhealthy. I know this is drastic, but I've GOT to get this sweet tooth thing out of my system, and I figure its like any addiction. Once your body goes without it for long enough, the cravings are a bit more managable.

I will be accomplishing this all by following my Weight Watchers plan and Couch to 5k (starting at week 5 since thats about where I'm at anyway). So far...so good as well. No sweets and not even a craving for some. I've been going healthy at it and I'm doing good. I even have a big bowl of tootsie rolls on my desk that I'm not even a little bit tempted to nibble at.

So jump on the bandwagon and comment about what your June goals are! Share some feedback! I love comments! :)

And of course...have a fanastic day. :)

Goal Re-cap

Goal 1: Eat within my points every day
Goal 2: Exercise every night
Goal 3: Lose 2+ lbs at weigh in

These were my goals.
Did they happen?
Goal 1: Eat within my points every dayGoal 2: Exercise every night
Goal 3: Lose 2+ lbs at weigh in
There was only one night I didn't exercise (Friday night)...and I made up for it Saturday morning. But I still don't think I can technically count it.

*My weeks...FYI...I'm counting from weigh in to weigh in....which means they are Saturday to Friday Night. For weight loss purposes anyway.

So this week? New goals. Even though its already Tuesday.

Goal 1: No sweet stuff!
Goal 2: Run at least 1 mile every night (from this point on)
Goal 3: Lose 2+ lbs at weigh in

Goal 1 is going to be hard, and I am already slacking...but I need to get my buns moving and kick this sweet tooth in the mouth. The only way I can see of doing that...is quitting cold turkey.
Goal 2 is not going to be so hard....I know I can do it if not run more!
Goal 3 I have issues with but I'm hoping I can get it done. I need a serious boost if I wanna lose weight by the time Disneyland hits. I have realized I'm not going to look bikini ready by then....BUT I'd still like to be comfortable.

Here goes it. Lets hope for a good week.

A Very Long Weekend

This was a good weekend...And I did a little bit of giving up on the diet and splurged a little...not a huge amount but a little. I've had an insanely huge sweet tooth so we made a cake over the weekend (but it was lowER fat..I used applesauce versus oil) and I also munched graham crackers and pb all weekend. Yeah... I'm going to do better this week. I'm determined.
I did...however....lose 1.6 lbs at weigh in which made me semi-happy. I was hoping for more but oh so happy that it wasn't gaining! And I'm only like .2 lbs away from 20 lbs. I so wanted to ask if I could strip a layer of clothes and re-weigh...but figured I'd save burning everyones retinas with albino chub rolls.
Today I'm on to a good start. Bagel and PB with banana for breakfast, some cheese for a snack, a slight give in to the kid sized Airheads in my candy dish but I figure hope they are only 2 pts or so a piece. And I only had one.
I'm gettin excited to start the new challenge for June...and truly look forward to feeling healthy again. I need a boost...and I will be happy when I get it.

Operation 5k, 5 lbs, 30 Day Challenge

Over at One Twenty Five (a fitness blog on tumblr that I happened on after reading Ben Does Life) she is offering up a challenge. And...I accept! I am taking the pledge to lose 5 lbs and/or run a 5k in the next 30 days. I'm thinking I'll take the or out of that statement. I AM going to lose 5 lbs AND run a 5k in the next 30 days. This challenge starts Wednesday June 1, 2011. So readers.....(hello....hello...are there any out there?...) check out the challenge and join in. It's just the kick in the butt I need to jump start my summer body and I bet its just the jump start you need too! Get-R-Done!

Oy

This is what I had for dinner tonight. It was absolutely delicious. And I pretty much knew it was going to obliverate my diet yesterday. So to make up for it, I jogged 1.5 miles last night. Not nearly enough to burn all those calories off, but maybe?
So I look up the points values today and that bad boy is 25 points. Yeah...holy cow. If I was skinnier, that would've been all of my daily points except 4. Luckily (hah) I'm fat so I get more points. I still thought I went over but come to find out, last night I had 26 points left for the evening so really...I came out 1 point ahead. I love when it works out that way.
And another thing? That 1.5 didn't kill me. I was shocked. I feel fantastic right now and could go run another 1.5. Maybe my body is acclimating to running. That would be awesome.
This weekend....is Memorial Day weekend so I'm going to be taking a hiatus and not posting again until Tuesday. I'm thinking some swimming is in order....possibly a trip up north. We shall see.

Decisions

Stress was not my friend last night. I munched (thankfully on healthy stuff but still) and munched and munched. I cannot wait until I'm relieved of this stress. And...I did not exercise. It was a bad night. I'm praying for today to be better...but the stress is getting to me and I've been munching (again on healthy stuff thankfully) and just want to have the hard decisions done. Its a hard thing to decide between loyalty...and financial capability. Bah.

Goals

I'm a little late with making my weekly goals...just call me Congress (hehe) so I am making them now. I'm going to start making weekly goals and writing them down so I stick to it. So for this week...

Goal 1: Eat within my points every day
Goal 2: Exercise every night
Goal 3: Lose 2+ lbs at weigh in

I've only used my extra points once this week, so I think I'm well on my way. I've exercised every night this week (except Sunday, my rest day) so I am on track with that too. The pounds lost...I dunno how thats going to go. It seems that on weeks I feel I do awesome, I stay even or gain weight. And weeks I feel like I only did subpar, I lose weight. So I dunno. This week I've had a treat every night, but I've been within my points. I've exercised every day but my rest day....so I'd hope that counts for something. We shall see. Weigh in day is only 3 days away so crossing fingers for good luck.
Biggest Loser has inspired me to just keep on moving though, keep trying and not failing. I'm hoping by alternating the Couch to 5k program with low impact exercises on the off days that I will be able to succeed. We shall see if this lil experiment of mine works.
More Crossing Fingers!

Breakfast of Champions

That...right there folks...is a delicious and healthy breakfast. 1 whole wheat english muffin, 2 Tbls peanut butter, and a little banana to round it up. Mmm Mmm Mmm.

Biggest Loser Finale

So I gots to say that I love The Biggest Loser. It took me awhile to get into it, but I love it and I'm sad its over. But I'm even more sad that Olivia won. I really am not sure why I don't like her, but I don't. If anyone should've won, I think it should've been Hannah. Seriously. Look at this girl!



Before and After Shot


She is now in her 120s! That right there, folks, is inspiration. Not to mention I didn't realize how funny she was until they showed past clips. Shes awesome. So I guess congrats to her sister, Olivia, I hope she will at least share a little bit of the money with Hannah for sticking it out with her.

Feelin Good

I'm having a good day. I feel strong. I feel successful. I feel like I can do anything. Yesterday I did good at my eating, and I did Day 1 of Week 2 on Couch to 5k. I haven't felt like this in a very long time. I think I'm finally starting to love myself. I'm starting to love my life. I'm happy. I'm finally happy.

 ________________________________________________________________________________

Goals....Complete

So I set goals for myself at the beginning of last week and here is the assessment.

Goal 1- Start the Couch to 5k Program. CHECK!
Goal 2- Not eat like crap. I'll give myself a HALF CHECK!
Goal 3- Finish 5k. And to add to that goal, finish in under 60 minutes (I finished in an unofficial 46 minutes!). CHECK! -Although I also had the goal of not tripping, not crawling across the line, and not dying. So I say thats a big accomplishment.

Losing 3.8 lbs this week AND finishing my 5k far under my pre-set PR time has given me a new boost to succeed this week. I know I can do this and I know I'll succeed this week. I'm excited.

5k

I finished!! Yes me...chubby butt who never finishs anything....finished the 5k!

Heres the run down. I was running with my sis in law and our group from weight watchers. It was amazing. I was nervous but also really excited. I was able to bust out the first little bit (I have no idea the distances, sorry) but then I couldn't push myself any longer. I gave in a walked. I told them to go ahead. I wanted to quit soo bad. I kept thinking I just can't do this. Why did I ever agree to do this? How did I ever think that I COULD do this? I guess I had a moment where I still thought I was skinnier and in shape? I dunno.
Anyway. I had a whole plethra of emotions run through me at that point. I wanted to cry, I wanted to give up. I felt like my world was crashing around me. I knew I couldn't finish it. But then I got a little push. Seriously...I've never had that happen before and I won't go into detail, but I got pushed along and for just a split second I knew I could finish.
The doubt seeped in over and over. There were several times I wanted to quit. Several times I told myself I was going to give up and turn around. I couldn't do it. But then those thoughts would turn around and I would think yes I can do it and I will. I can finish this.
Once I hit the half way point I knew it. I knew I was closer to finishing that turning around so I kept on it and that last half went by Soooo much faster than the first point and I was able to finish strong alternating between walking and jogging. It was awesome. And it showed me I could finish. Will I be running another one any time soon? Umm no. Not until I'm better prepared. But I am soo happy I walk/jogged this one and got it done. It taught me alot about myself.
Now that I'm done...the soreness and major headache I've had since about halfway through is killing me but I'm hoping that goes away soon and I'll be good to go. Its totally against my points but I'm gonna be eating a pizza in celebration tonight. I've also been chuggin water like a mad man and am not looking forward to the after affects of having to pee every 10 minutes but if it helps me feel better...then I'm gettin it done. Until then...I work....but that pizza is calling my name.
Pictures were taken so I will post those when I get them later on.

And in other news.......I lost 3.8 lbs at weigh in!!! :)
Have a great weekend everyone!

The Big Day...Almost

So tomorrow is the 5k. My first 5k ever in my life. I'm kinda excited. I'm more nervous. I hope the weather cooperates. It snowed yesterday, chance of rain today....tomorrow is supposed to warm up a little bit but when its below freezing....alittle bit isn't much. Still...it might be nice running on a chilly morning versus and steaming hot day. We shall see. I want to be able to finish. I need to finish. Since I haven't ever ran a full 5k before ever, I don't really have a personal record (PR) to break. I'm hoping to finish in an hour. I'd be happy with an hour. So my fears/expectations of the 5k are as follows: 



Knowing my clumsy self...its a high possibility that I will trip and fall.





Also an even higher possibility that I crawl across the finish line.





And a good chance I'll die. And be carried off the race path.

As you can tell, I have real positive hopes and aspirations for this race and if none of the three above mentioned scenerios happen, I will count this race as a success.

Brrrrrr

It snowed yesterday. Yes snowed. I was not happy. I'm soooo ready for Spring to happen. I did decently yesterday eating wise...

whole wheat english muffin with pb and bananas (I'm hooked. I love it)
pringles
cheese stick
leftovers from dinner (turkey sausage, rice and veggies)
more blasted pringles
fiber one bar
apricot glazed pork
creamed corn
mashed potatoes

and...I should've stopped there, but did I? No. I've been having wierd cravings for sweet food at night. So my goal to not eat junk food...didn't happen. I ate some chocolate covered pretzels. 16 points worth. Eesh.

I did, however, complete day 3 of C25K. But I'm pretty positive it didn't burn off those pretzels. Tonight? NO JUNK. I'm serious this time. No Junk food. None. Thats my goal. I NEED a good weigh in this week so I can't be slacking. I really do need it...I'm starting to give up on this process and I can't do that. Its not worth it to stay fat. Its really not. I need to keep trudging along.

5k

Its snowing here. SNOWING. In May. And my first 5k EVER in my LIFE is on Saturday. I hope the weather makes a dramatic and more toasty turn for the better. Here...anything is possible when it comes to weather. But I sure hope it happens soon.

The day...and Biggest Loser

So yesterday was almost a perfect day....

Bagel with PB and Banana
WW yogurt
WW cheesestick
16 pringles
WW pasta with spinach and risotto
3 servings apple slices (mmmm a whole bag)
16 pringles
Italian turkey sausage with rice and veggies

good so far eh? until....

Rice Crispies. 14 pts worth.  Stupid munchies.

I did, however, do my day 2 of C25K....TurboJam. I only lasted 30 minutes of it though, due to feeling like I wanted to faint. Not sure why that happened, but it wasn't a fun feeling. Then in the shower shortly after I had another sense of wanting to faint. Again...not sure that is good. I hope today goes better on the exercise route.

Also...I love The Biggest Loser and last night's episode ALMOST made me cry. They were doing their final challenge and had to carry the amount of weight they had lost each weigh in on flags that they put at each hole on the golf course. Seriously...it was inspirational. It made me want to do good. And made me realize how even 14 lbs ago I was struggling more than I am now. AND it made me want to do soooo much better. Yay for motivational Biggest Loser episodes!

14 lbs of fat

This is what 5 lbs look like. I've lost (almost) 3 of these. When I look at it like that...it makes me feel a little better. I've lost 15 sticks of butter....3 of these bad boys....not too bad. But I can't wait until its 130 sticks of butter!

Meh...I'll call it a success

For the sake of posterity and keeping me in line...This was my breakdown of yesterday.

1 whole wheat bagel and 2 Tbls PB
Cheesestick
Ham and Cheese sandwich
16 Multigrain Pringles (yes I counted out a serving size)
Banana
BBQ Chicken
WW Mac & Cheese
Snow Cone

As I look at it...I really should've eaten more fruits and veggies. I only had 2 servings... the veggies on the sandwich and the banana. Unless you count coconut/pineapple flavoring on the snowcone as a fruit. I didn't think so. But...I stayed under my points for the day.
I also completed my first day of Couch to 5k. This entailed a 5 minute warm up walk, then 60 seconds running and 90 seconds walking alternated. My knees were hurting really bad..so I extended the walking to 120 seconds. I did that until I completed a mile and made sure my last 2 minute walk time was at the end as a cool down. I iced my knees (with frozen peas hehe) and I sure hope that the knee pain goes away as I get moving more.

So for the day....

43 points eaten
1 mile down

Today is a new day. I'm stocked at work with lots of fruit and a WW meal for lunch. I'm crockpotting some chicken for dinner and I think its going to be a perfect day. I've decided to make myself eat my entire servings of fruits and veggies before I allow any other snackage. I think it will do me some good. I'll let you know tomorrow.

Big Girl...You are Beatiful

So I was reading another blog and came across This Video and laughed. The guy is singing about how big girls are beautiful too! And I appreciate that. But when you read down the comments...holy cow. Everything shifts to things like "Being fat isn't okay" and "He shouldn't be promoting obesity" and all sorts of other things. Wow. Get a grip world. We wonder why people have such a warped opinion about themselves? Hello. I do applaud him coming out to say that he likes girls of all sizes though. Do I promote obesity? Uh NO. Otherwise I wouldn't be trying to lose the chub. But do I feel like girls (and guys for that matter) can be beautiful (handsome) at any size? Yes. Why? Because I'm going to judge someone based on their heart and soul, not just their looks. But.....Am I going to be sooo happy when I stop being

"you have a beautiful FACE"

and start being

"YOU are beautiful"?

You bet'cha. I'm going to be jumpin' around and clickin' my heels. Is that vain of me? Most definitely. But I'm being honest.

Yes...I'm doing this whole lets lose some chub deal to become more healthy and be able to run around with my kids. But I also cannot wait to be comfortable in my own skin again and not always worry about what people are saying or thinking behind my back. And I know that isn't going to come from JUST losing weight...I need to change my mentality too. But thats where the inspirational "Do Life" comes in. I am doing life. Not just weight loss...I'm taking my LIFE by the horns and kickin some tail.

Bah!!

The weigh in was horrible.
4.2 lbs GAINED.

Seriously?!

I'd like to blame everything and make excuses (like...my knees hurt so I didn't exercise...I had to eat kinda bad because I was out of town for one of the days...)

But its my own fault. I could've down low impact stuff, and ate SUPER healthy to make up for the fact I couldn't exercise as hardcore. And I didn't.

And now I'm paying for it and truly want to cry.

This week....is a new week.

Goal 1: Start the couch to 5k program (I revised it slightly to include low impact stuff on the off days) and do it every day. EVERY DAY.
Goal 2: No more trying to get away with eating like crap
  -to go with Goal 2....plan my menus and FOLLOW them.
  -also along with Goal 2....get ALL fruits and veggies, dairy, and water intake every day.
      -That means 5+ f/v, 2-3 diary, and at least 64 oz of water per day.
Goal 3: FINISH THE 5K on Saturday. I have 1 week to get myself physically/mentally/emotionally prepared to do this. I will get it done even if I have to crawl across the finish line.

Feedjit

So I always thought it would be cool to have those feedjits that show who is visiting your blog from where...and all that jazz...so I've had one on here. But I just visited a blog that added one and it made me feel like a serious creeper....so....I'm ditching the feedjit for now. And I don't want any followers I might have to feel like creepers....even though I don't mind creepers for the most part....

Soooo

I'm sorry for the delay in posts. If anyone actually reads this. If not...then whatever. I spent my day yesterday in Salt Lake chowing my butt off for a meeting with good company and great food. I met alot of awesome people, and they seriously served a sandwich that was a big as my head. And I ate it all. And had a super bad stomach ache after. Guess that means my tummy is shrinking...which makes me happy. I did manage to walk it off though after the training...for 5 blocks...in downtown SLC...in heels....and then for 2 hours around Temple Square....in heels...my feet hurt. And my shins too. And knees.
And then I met up with a friend and we ate at Texas Roadhouse. I had a giant burger, and like 3 of their tasty rolls. I didn't eat all my food awesomely enough...but I'm sure that the whole day was enough points for a week. I'm compensating today by really watching what I eat, and I'll walk alot tonight. Praying for good weigh in tomorrow!

I noticed...however...that my confidence level must be rising. At my meeting, there were people there I have seen in passing at different meetings and trainings, but they have never approached me and I was too self concious to ever make my presence known. Yesterday....I had people coming up to me asking how they knew me and wishing me luck in finding funding for my job. I even had some military guys (awww my military guy obsession) that weren't looking away in disgust. Made me feel kinda happy.

New workout...

My knees and shins were hurting me bad all day yesterday...which leads me to believe that I've been running on them too hard. I don't blame them. Trying to support a whole lotta fat while jogging would be tough. So after researching, I've decided to try the Couch to 5k Program. Its a program designed to get you off your butt and running a 5k in 9 weeks. And honestly...its doable. I did the first workout last night and it was fantastic. Seriously I'm not hurting nearly as much today. So I'm taking it "easy" so to speak and following this plan now. It's not going to help me with my 5k coming up in a couple weeks...but it will help me long term. And I truly think I'll be just fine with that one too. I'm happy its not a hardcore race and if I do have to walk, it will be okay.
It does, however, make me wonder how this will affect my weight loss. Hopefully things will be good and I'll keep dropping.

Goal Pants

Ok. This is probably the hardest thing I've done in a long time but it needs to be done. I have officially chosen my goal pants. I LOVE these pants. They are black kinda stretchy workout type of pants...that button. And are really cute. I've NEVER been able to wear them. I bought them thinkin I could fit into them...and I couldn't. So my goal...is to fit in them.

2.5!

Yes. I did it. After a weekend of not exercising and overeating in a major way...I pushed myself to do better and I jogged 2.5 miles! I beat my personal best from Friday! (Ignore the fact it obviously took me 50 minutes. Well 45 minutes with a 5 minute cool down) It wasn't easy however. I've learned that a persons endurance does NOT just come and stick once its there. You have to work at it and keep it up. So here is my plan. We are at T minus 12 days until my very first 5k EVER. And I'm not ready. To get ready...this is my goal.
This week...I'm running 2.5 miles every night. No slacking....every single night. Even weekends. Next week, I'm going to bump it to 3 miles every night. Even if I have to walk it...I will be completing these every night. This is in hopes that when May 21 comes around I will not die during my 5k. Also...I will have my ipod charged. Music was completely influential in busting out my mileage last night. I was ready to stop at 2 miles and then "I'm Gonna Shine" from the movie Step Up came on and I was able to bust out .25 miles. Then "Lose Control" by Missy Elliott came on and it helped me finish up the final .25 miles. Music really does make the difference!

So whats the point....

So whats the point of being anonymous? I think I've come to grips with what I need to do. So world....my name is Kim. {....Hi Kim....} and I am a chubby girl. I am going to document my world via pictures (very scary to me) and posts in hopes I can inspire someone to get off their butts and join me. I'm still not to the point where I'd make this public to my facebook friends, even though I'm sure it would increase my following...but I'm coming to grips and just may one of these days. We shall see. For now....lets get on this gravy train and kick some butt. Non-anonymously.

Weigh in

I had my weigh in on Saturday morning and it was frustrating. Absolutely frustrating. I GAINED .02 lbs. I know that doesn't seem like a lot to some people, but in my goal to lose 40 by Disneyland, that equated to 2 lbs a week. I already had one bad weigh in that I gained 4 lbs...and now this one. I really don't know what went wrong. I can think of a couple times I didn't eat ideally but I always stayed within my points and I exercised all but 2 nights. However...I measured myself and lost between 1/4 in to 1 in across my whole body. That wasn't as much as I wanted either...but its a loss. I really hate this whole instant grantification thing I seem to want. Maybe this is my way of learning hard work and patience?

This week...I will do better.

Weight lost so far: 18.6 lbs

Weight to lose for 10% goal: 9.4 lbs to go
Weight to lose for Disneyland: 21.4 lbs

Think I can make it? I'm not so sure. But I'm going to work my butt off and do my best. Thats all I can do.

Monumentous...Moment!

When I started this little journey...I could barely walk a mile. It took me 30 minutes to hit a mile. 30 minutes! On Friday night...I hit a seriously awesome landmark for me. I didn't want to exercise at all that night but really wanted a good weigh in the next morning so I did it...and I jogged 2 MILES without stopping. 2 MILES!! I haven't done that EVER in my entire LIFE! It was a great moment for me. Granted when I stopped, my legs were jelly and I kinda wanted to die. But I did it! And thats what mattered most! So folks...I am a solid example. I'm not a runner...but I DID IT! You can too! Just work on it, little by little...and you can do anything you put your mind to!

Blast!

So I seriously think the exercise goddesses hate me. I now have the full blown super sore throat, cough, and runny nose. I'm seeing a direct coorelation to exercising outside I'm tellin ya. Its probably not that...but thats what I'm blaming!

However...despite the feeling like smack....I was able to bust out 48 minutes of circuit training last night and I felt great afterwards. Except for wanting to die of a sore throat. It was good!

Tomorrow is weigh in day. I'm curious to see what the scale is going to show. I haven't gone buck wild this week with anything really, and I've hardcore exercised most the week. I'm hoping this will prove to have good numbers. I'm only 10 lbs away from my second mini goal of 10% my wieght....and I wanna bust that baby out soon. My 40 lb goal for Disneyland would also be nice to bust out....and surpass....before Disneyland actually happens. That has been my motivator to keep running and to push myself a little harder. But...so far so good. I'm not unhappy with my progress.

In other life aspects...I hung out with a kid who gave me his number at Del Taco (don't judge me...I know him from other places too) when I stopped in for a late night burrito (again...don't judge me) and we had pizza and played at the park with the kids. And all I could think was "he is probably soo disappointed in the fact that I'm not skinnier. i bet he won't even text later on or whatever now that he sees me in the daylight in all my chubby glory". Those thoughts are what drive me now. Why do I even think like that? Because I know its partly true. And that is my reason for wanting to lose weight. Yes I want to be healthy...yes I want to live longer....yes I want to be able to keep up with my kids...but mostly its because I want to feel good about myself and have a fighting chance in catching a new man for myself. And not the users and liars and cheaters that seem to run rampant here...but a really nice guy. We'll see how that goes. But it was an eye opening experience all the same. I have new motivation.

Anxiety

Disclaimer.....NOT ME in the picture. I wish...but no. I'd honestly be happy to look like the start weight girl!

So I am probably retarded and the only person who has felt this anxiety...but if I'm not...then hopefully this helps someone else out too. My anxiety is not about being able to complete this...or being overweight in general. My anxiety has to do with losing it. I don't WANT to tell anyone how much I weigh or how much I want to lose. Thus the reason this blog is quasi anonymous for now.

So why is this?

Here is my brain's train of thought.

I am friggin scared to death to lose this weight. Not because I'm afraid of wierd skin flaps (think Click)... although I am a little bit honestly. Or because I might fail...or gain it back...or any of that. I'm scared to death and have anxiety because...

I don't want to admit I'm that fat. I don't feel that fat. Well...when I look in the mirror I'm depressed yes. But in day to day doin my thing life...I truly don't feel that fat. I also don't want to have to admit to anyone else that I have to LOSE the same number (weight wise) as I am supposed to ACHIEVE according to my "healthy body weight." Because if I admit that...they will also know I am fat (as if they didn't already know...hello!) And quite honestly...I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed that in 8 years I have put on 130 pounds and didn't think anything of it, or make any true hard work efforts until now. I'm ashamed that I truly let myself slide this much...making excuses like "Well if someone is going to like me it better be for my insides, not my outsides!" or when I first became single again "If a guy wants to be with me, it will be because of my witty personality (insert rolling eyes here) and not my looks." And yes...I still believe that but on the other hand, there has to be a sense of attraction there too and not many people are attracted to beached whales. 

So...in other words I'm retarded, and not normal. But eh...what do ya do. I'll get over it...and I'll be all happy when I'm back down to what I want to be. I'm also sure I'll get over my anxiety as my numbers get higher and I start feeling better. But for now.....blah.

So not that I'm giving Weight Watchers extra props (well I kinda am actually) but their system is working because its liveable. If I want a piece of pizza then by dangit I'm gonna have one. But just one. Or two. Not the entire pizza. Because thats what its about!

The days

The last two days have been blah. Yesterday I was on the road literally all day for business, so I didn't eat my daily intake of fruits and veggies and ate out for all meals that I consumed. Not to mention I have an insanely sore throat and sore muscles, so no desire at all to go run. So I didn't. *hanging head*

Today...I've done slightly better but not much. I'm tired and ready for bed...but REALLY want a good weigh in this weekend so I am going to be pro-active and get down to business tonight. You can ONLY gain what you put in to it right?!

Woot Woot!

Yesterday was a good day. I ate healthy (except for the Starbucks smoothie we decided to get for treats after family night...but I don't feel guilty for that)...and I exercised. We walked to the park and played (round trip is just about 1 mile) and after kids went to bed I decided to man up and run outside.

Last time I did this...I made it 1 loop around my block and then wanted to die. Last night...I pushed through. I made it 3 loops walk/jogging (abt .55 miles per loop) and after loop 2 my lungs weren't burning anymore. Funny how quickly they adjust when you man up and just get it done.I could've gone more...but my legs wanted to fall off.

My goal? Add a loop every week (or more if I'm not feeling girly-like). This should prepare me for the 5k. In three weeks. Hopefully. Or at least get me to a point where I'm not going to die. Thats my hope.

BenDoesLife.

I'm not sure how exactly I stumbled upon his blog, but this dude is super inspiring. I've been at it since February...and when you compare his numbers to mine its a little pathetic. On my side that is. He had lost somethin like 40 lbs by now...compared to my almost 19. Really? Here is what I have to say about that...
Guys. Freakin. Suck.
But back on track...he has motivated me to get my butt moving. I have my first ever 5k in 3 weeks, and when I last ran outside my lungs were wanting to explode. I had it half way around the block and had to walk because I wanted to die. This isn't good news. Granted I can run inside and clear 1.58 miles in 30 minutes which I'd guess would make me at about an hour for the 5k. If we were running inside. But we aren't. And still sucks time-wise...but since I've never completed more than a mile in my lifetime...I think its pretty decent.
Oh well...I will keep on goin and have a little faith that I'll be okay and not die.
So props to you Ben Davis, you've been entertaining to read, give me a lil hope that this fat girl can go skinny, and have been motivating as well. Good job. :)

So...this is me trying to get ready this morning. I haven't been able to button up these pants in a very long time. Add that to my wish/goal list. And yes...that is one of those stretchy bodice things that I wear to smooth out the fat roll look. I am excited for the day I no longer feel like I need it.

This is a very embarassing and sad before picture. That was in October when I hit 280 lbs. I will take better befores tonight, but just so you can put a face to this blog....here it is. Sigh. Embarassing just to look at it...but on the other hand...I'm now 18.8 lbs lighter and on my way to a new me. So...I can't complain. Too much. More later!



Woot Woot!

I'm down 3 lbs today! Total weight lost is 18.8 lbs now. I was hoping for more...but I'll take a 3 lb anyday. Awesome day!

Its Time to Paaarty

Last night I didn't feel like running. After trying my MTV Yoga Vid and failing...then trying Pilates and failing, I decided to revert back to my Turbo Jam. I lost the remote to my dvd player so I  threw in the dvd hoping it landed on the easy routines, but no. 45 min Cardio Party.
Me doubtful about the completion of this workout? Nah....never. Haha. Funny.
I haven't been able to complete the entire 45 min workout for 4 years.

And guess what?!

I DID IT!!!

I was dripping sweat like a mad man...literally dripping...and I feel fantastic.

Note for the weekend, tomorrow is weigh in day and I'm a bit excited. I think I'm going to have a good loss tomorrow. I hope so anyway. I will update on Monday, and have some before pictures as well. Might as well. So anyone looking at this will get a glimpse of the whale-ish me. Its a super scary thought....but I'm gonna get r done.

Back to work for me....have a great weekend everyone!

Things I don't like....

1. Having chub jiggle when I run
2. Not being able to chase my kids for long distances
3. Having to use elastic bands/hair bands to attach button to button hole to keep my jeans up
4. Not being able to wear short sleeve shirts without being embarassed about my "arm flaps/wings"
5. Not able to wear a belt

Hopefully...over time...these will recify themselves. I'm keeping tabs.

Overall...a good day

So for Adminstrative Professionals Day, my boss took us out for lunch and gave us a cute pot filled with... all sorts of sugary goodness that previously I would've chowed on and finished in one day.
And believe me it was tempting.
But WW has made me have restraint.
We went to a pizza parlor here as well...and where I would've previously gotten pizza AND a breadstick AND a salad...I just stuck with one trip to the salad bar and a breadstick. And water to drink.
On the flipside...I ate like 5 cookies that afternoon. Baby steps.
I was very proud of myself  yesterday as well. When I first joined Weight Watchers, I was able to walk about 1 mile in 30 minutes. Yesterday...I was able to walk/jog 1.58 miles in 30 minutes. Granted that was inside where my lungs didn't BURN after 10 minutes of running (more on that later) but still, I was proud of myself.
Goes to show....if I can do this (I'm really lazy and really like my food like alot)...ANYONE can do this.

The Run Down

Ok introductions are over now....lets get down to business! After many failed diets, I have joined Weight Watchers...and I'm not disappointed. Here is my progress so far, my goals, a breakdown of what I'm doing and whatever else may come up.

I joined in February of 2011 weighing in at 280 chunks of fat lbs on the dot.
Since then....I have lost 15.8 lbs.
Current weight...264.2 lbs.
My goal weight is 150 lbs which means...
I have.....sigh.....130 lbs to lose. (ready to cry now)

*As per "healthy guidelines" I should be between 117-146 lbs based on my height, but 150 is close enough. I'm not going for twig girl look (not saying thats bad...but its just not me) so I'd be happy with that.*

As part of the Weight Watchers plan, I have mini goals set up to make the journey easier.

First goal (5%): 14 lbs (done woot woot!)
Second goal (10%): 28 lbs
Third goal (Disneyland): 40 lbs by August 12th

That is as far as I've gone with goals. Once I reach a goal, I create a new goal to add to the end. The third goal is VERY important to me, because my family is taking our first vacation ever since becoming family...to Disneyland! I want to be confident in myself when we go, and want to be able to keep up with the kids and go on rides without being embarassed or wondering if I will fit in the seats. Since the time I set the goal, I needed to lose an average of 2 lbs a week to make it work. So far, so good...with some minor set backs. But those set backs were counter-balanced with good weigh in weeks.

My allotted points for a day are 43. I get an extra 49 points a week on top of that as well.
Exercise wise, I need to start busting my butt. I walk/jog but haven't really gotten myself into a muscle building groove. However, my WW Buddy and I are are participating in the Walk-it Challenge on May 21... a 5k! Am I nervous about that? Nah...not at all....can you sense my sarcasm yet? I will finish. It may be on a gurney...but I will finish!
Weigh In/Meeting days are every Saturday at 9:00 am. So every Monday...I will update my current weight loss.

On another note...I will get some before pictures up soon. That is another scary thought....showing this fat girl physique to the world. But...for the sake of posterity and shrinking my chubby butt...I will do it. Speaking of which...I've been tryin to decide if I should take updated pics every month...every couple months....any ideas? Anyone?

As a final note...I love comments and I need motivation. If something triggers a thought...please feel free to comment even if I have no idea who you are...and also feel free to follow! I'll try to make this blog as entertaining as humanly possible to keep ya'lls attention and maybe...just maybe...I can help inspire or even just give a nudge of hope to someone out there. Thats my goal. Because really...I always felt like I was alone. Its nice to know when your not totally alone in your journey.

Ok folks....have a great day!

Day 1

Hi folks. I have no idea how many people will see this blog, but I am officially opening myself up to the world in an attempt to kick my own butt into shape. I'm not going to lie, stating all this personal weight stuff is a little SUPER scary to me! Why? Because I haven't been insanely big my whole life. I was never super skinny, but now....the amount of weight I have to lose is down right embarassing! It's a whole other person being taken off my body! I can honestly say I'm ashamed of that fact, and this is why I'm doing this blog...anonymous for now...so I will have the ability to share my true feelings and true measurements. It's going to be scary...its going to be fun...and even if no one else reads this blog at least I know its documented somewhere. So here we go!